I Saw Sensei Kissing Santa Claus
by Hikari Midori-chan
Summary: Every year, the Fourth Hokage was the village's Santa Claus. Now that his time had passed, the tradition moved onto the next generation. What do our favorite teams want for Christmas? AsumaKurenai OneShot R&R Please! Happy Holidays!


Even though I SERIOUSLY NEED to update my other stories, I just couldn't NOT write a story for Christmas! Not to mention the sniff death of Asuma...even though I didn't even HAVE any special bond with him or anything, I still feel very very sad...bows down head in dispair

BUT ANYWAY! I got a great idea. Why not write a story FOR Asuma that's ABOUT Christmas! This is what I got. Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

* * *

It was a beautiful day in Konoha; and not only because there was a sparkling blanket of snow covering the whole village. Snowflakes fell from the gray sky slowly and peacefully and Christmas lights and lanterns were hung around the market. The villagers were rushing in and out of shops and stores for some last-minute Christmas shopping. Tonight was the night.

Asuma walked through the streets of Konoha and into the Hokage's mansion. As he stepped through the Hokage's office, he wondered why Tsunade-sama wanted him to do a mission during the holidays.

Tsunade looked up and said, "Oh, good. You're here. I need you to complete a B-Ranked mission today. It's of vital importance, so listen carefully. You know that during this season, the Third was always 'Santa Claus', right?"

"Right…" Asuma answered uneasily. He thought he knew where this was going.

"Now that he has honorably passed away, someone needs to get the job done or the little ones will go mad. I can't very well do it, and since you _are _his family…"

"You want me to pose as Santa Claus?" Asuma said incredulously.

"Generally speaking, yes."

"Is this what you call a B-Ranked mission?" Asuma asked.

"I told you, the little ones will go mad and we do not want to start a riot. It's a mission and you have to fulfill it."

"But I—"

"Asuma…"

"Fine…"

"Good. Now get your costume on and go to the village square. I've assigned the other jounin to help you in this mission."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Asuma bitterly left her office. _Geez…the Third was a lot nicer than this harpee…_

A few minutes later, Asuma was dressed from head to toe in red and white. A pillow pressed against his stomach and a large, black belt was around his waist. His beard was white and he wore the familiar red hat.

He sighed heavily as he heaved himself down onto the grand chair in the middle of the village. Children were waiting in line eagerly, and when he made his appearance, they cheered and squealed with excitement.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he almost broke out laughing.

Kakashi, Gai, and Kurenai were standing next to him in green and red outfits. Their ears were pointed and their cheeks (well, Gai's and Kurenai's at least) were sparkly and pink.

"Nice outfits, guys," Asuma chuckled.

"You like them to?" Gai exclaimed ecstatically. "I think they're positively youthful and festive!"

"Yeah, well, that makes one of us, Gai," Kakashi sighed, turning a page of his dirty little book.

"Lose the cigarette, Asuma," Kurenai advised. "I don't think it would be right to encourage the kids to…you know…"

Asuma shrugged. "Nah." He looked back in front of him and observed the line. Then, something caught his eye. "Are those my students?"

"Ah yes! They've come!" Gai cheered.

"What do you mean?" Kakashi said.

"Oh, well, I told all of our students to come see Santa Claus or they'll have to run fifty thousand laps around Konoha in the snow! We need to get our students into the spirit, you know!"

The other three jounin slapped their foreheads. "GAI!"

"What?"

"SANTA CLAUS!"

A recognizable cheery voice and blond head was seen and heard. Suddenly, Naruto cut through all the little kids and jumped into Asuma's lap, causing him to gasp for breath slightly.

"Hey, no cutsies!" a five-year old exclaimed.

"How embarrassing…" Sakura moaned.

"This is stupid," Sasuke said. He stared at "Santa Claus" for a second. "Is that…Asuma?"

"Not Asuma! Santa Claus!" Gai protested.

"Gai? And Kakashi?" Sasuke broke out into a smirk. "Nice outfit."

"Respect your sensei," Kakashi pouted.

"That's impossible," Sasuke said.

A loud commotion of shrill voices screaming for Naruto to get back in line started.

"The children are right, Naruto," Asuma said in his best Santa-like voice. "You need to get back in line."

"All right…" Naruto sighed.

"Baka…" Sakura mumbled. "I can't _believe _you're my teammate!"

"Sakura-chan, that's cold…Santa won't give you any gifts this year if you're mean."

Sasuke scoffed. "Dobe, there's no Santa. That's Asuma in disguise."

Naruto gasped. "Nuh-uh! That's Santa! You're just mad because Santa never gave _you _what you wanted for Christmas and just gave you coal! It's obvious, Sasuke! Don't bring everyone else's spirit down!"

"That's the spirit, Naruto!"

"Hey! Gejimayu!" Naruto exclaimed as he stopped in line with Lee, Neji, and Tenten.

"Uzumaki? Uchiha? What are you guys doing here?" Neji asked.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing," Sasuke said.

"Gai-sensei made us come here…for Christmas spirit or something," Tenten explained.

"Same with us," Sasuke said.

"I think it's wonderful!" Lee exclaimed, his fiery eyes melting the snow around him. "I will tell Santa Claus my dream and he will help make it come true!"

"Lee, that's not Santa Claus," Neji said, looking ahead to the front of the line. "It's Asuma. In disguise."

"See?" Sasuke said.

"NO IT ISN'T!" Lee and Naruto shouted.

"Tenten! You believe that that's Santa Claus, right?" Lee asked.

"Uh…I believe…that that is…one of Santa's helpers?" Tenten said uncertainly. She didn't want to hurt Lee's feelings, even if he _was _being sort of childish.

"So you're saying that there's a real Santa but he's stuck at his workshop helping the other elves make toys?"

"Uh…"

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Crap."

Ino jumped on Sasuke and the two of them dropped into the fluffy fake snow.

"GET OFF OF HIM, YOU PORKER!"

Sakura joined the tussle and started pulling Ino's hair.

"I didn't know that _you _guys are seeing Santa too!" Chouji exclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah!" Naruto nodded vigorously. "What're you gonna ask for, Chouji?"

"Same thing as always!" Chouji said dreamily. "An all-you-can-eat buffet Christmas morning…and I always get it!"

"Chouji, you get a buffet every day…" Shikamaru said.

Chouji shrugged.

Naruto and Lee exchanged odd glances.

"Well _I'm _gonna wish for the title of Hokage!" Naruto piped.

"That is impossible!" Lee said. "You need to work to become Hokage, Santa can't grant that!"

"Santa can do _anything_!"

Lee thought for a second. "All right then. I'll wish for the abilities of genjutsu and ninjutsu."

"He can grant that easy!"

"Really?"

"Um…Lee," Tenten said cautiously. "Um…maybe you shouldn't wish for that."

"Why?"

"Because…because…because then Gai-sensei will be ultimately disappointed that you'd give up your Nindo! Remember? That you can be an excellent ninja with just taijutsu?"

"Oh yeah! Thanks Tenten!"

"No problem…"

Neji rolled his eyes.

"What's all this business with Santa anyway?" Shikamaru groaned. "That's obviously sensei in disguise. Let's go home."

"No way!" Chouji exclaimed in shock.

"Don't you see it Chouji?"

"No…" Chouji cocked his head. "Asuma-sensei's not fat…and his beard isn't that long and white!"

"He's clearly using Henge," Shikamaru said.

"Don't bring him down!" Ino exclaimed.

"Why not? You do it all that time."

"That's different!"

"How so?"

"I…_My _bringing him down is good for him! He seriously needs to work out more! Or stop the incessant eating…"

"Ha! Like you know anything about _that _Ino-pig!" Sakura scoffed.

"Oh no! The big mutant forehead girl is trying to _burn _me! I must find some ice!" Ino mocked.

"Sakura-san, you must not sink to such a terrible level!" Lee said worriedly. "Especially not on Christmas Eve! Santa Claus won't give you any nice presents!"

Sakura looked a bit embarrassed.

"Santa? Bah humbug!"

"Kiba!" Naruto shouted accusingly. "Santa's gonna get you for that one!"

"Yeah right! You kiddies still believe in Santa Claus?" Kiba scoffed as he and his team appeared in line.

"Says you! I bet _you _got coal like Sasuke!"

"I never got coal," Sasuke said narrowly.

"Hmph! You're such a kid, Naruto!" Kiba laughed. "Santa's nothin' but a baby's fairy tale!"

"Shows what you know!" Naruto insisted. "Santa's real, I tell you! And I'll prove it!"

"N-Naruto-kun…" Hinata whispered.

"Why are we here again?" Shino said.

"It's my turn!" Naruto hollered before anyone could answer Shino's question. He landed himself onto "Santa's" knee, almost cracking it in half.

Asuma groaned slightly, but then regained his composure and said in a Santa Claus-y voice, "And what do _you _want for Christmas, little boy?"

"To become Hokage!"

_How did I guess? _Asuma thought. "Well, I'm not sure if I can deliver that _this _Christmas."

"Why not?" Naruto asked, getting teary-eyed.

"Er…well…that's a very big wish! It'll take _years _to give you that present! So I suggest that you work very hard, all right?"

"Okay, Santa!" Naruto said brightly, hugging Asuma affectionately. "You're the best!"

"Uh…yeah…thanks kid…" Asuma gestured to the other jounin, telling them to pry Naruto off of him.

With some difficulty, they succeeded. After, of course, snapping a picture for Naruto to keep forever and ever. And ever.

"Next!" Kakashi announced.

"You're next, Sasuke!" Lee exclaimed. "Don't waste your turn!"

"Yeah…I'll pass," Sasuke said.

"Too bad, kid," Kakashi said, picking up Sasuke as if he were a tiny child and sitting him on Santa's knee. "Tell Santa what you want for Christmas."

Sasuke stared up at Asuma with a glare. Asuma started to sweat.

"What I want for Christmas…" Sasuke said darkly. "Is…the head…of my brother."

"…"

The room was silent. A couple of smaller kids started crying.

"Smile!" Kurenai exclaimed, breaking the silence and snapping a picture for Sasuke of him and Santa.

Sasuke snatched the picture and crumpled it up, a very un-Christmas-y look on his face. Being reminded of Itachi put him into extreme angst mode.

"Next!"

"Um…" Sakura uncomfortably sat on Asuma's leg.

"Hello little girl. What would _you _like for Christmas?" _Please say doll. Please say doll. Please say doll._

"What I want for Christmas is…" Sakura blushed deeply. "A moment under the mistletoe with Sasuke-kun…" She glanced over at Sasuke who was moping in the corner with a rain cloud above his head.

Asuma's eyes rolled to stare at the ceiling. Of course. "All right."

Flash.

Sakura was off Asuma in two seconds, glad that _that _was over.

"Finally! My turn!"

Leap. Oof. Pain.

The weight of Lee's thirteen-year old body was pressed against Asuma's weak leg.

"And what would _you _like, Lee?" Asuma said through clenched teeth.

"You know my name, Santa-san?" Lee said, his eyes wide and sparkling.

"Uh…"

"I am honored!"

"Lee…" Gai said, wiping his eye.

Kakashi and Kurenai exchanged odd glances.

"I heard you telling Naruto that he had to work for his dream, and I feel ashamed that I thought that my dreams can be given as a gift by you," Lee said sadly. But a smile ran across his face. "Well, I will work long and hard! My sweat and tears will be worth something in the end. So for Christmas, I want my teammates and Gai-sensei to be happy. They deserve more than I can give."

Neji raised an eyebrow, surprised.

"Oh Lee…" Tenten said quietly.

"LEE!" Gai called, not so quietly. He held out his arms.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted happily, embracing his sensei.

"That was beautiful!" Tears ran down his cheeks.

"It is true! That is what I want for Christmas!" Lee sobbed.

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Uh…" Asuma was a little uncomfortable, for Lee's knees were killing his leg.

"What a warm moment," Kurenai said, taking a picture. "This will make a nice postcard."

"You aren't serious," Kakashi said.

"Of course not," Kurenai said hastily.

"Next!"

Neji walked over to Asuma and stared at him penetratingly.

"Uh…would you like to take a seat…little boy?" Asuma said uneasily.

"No thanks, I'd rather stand," Neji said flatly.

"All right then…what would you like for Christmas?"

Neji wanted to say for the Main House to fall, but he couldn't very well say that in front of Hinata…and in his eyes, Santa wouldn't be able to do that anyway. "I would like…uh…" Why was he putting so much thought into this? Could it be? Neji had…Christmas _spirit_?

He shook his head. No, of course not. Like the Uchiha, he had none. That was the cool thing. He didn't want to end up like…

Neji glanced over at the hugging Lee and Gai and shivered.

"Well?" Asuma said expectantly.

"A sweater."

"What?"

"Uh…I need a new sweater," Neji said lamely.

"Okay…I'll keep that in mind…"

"All right…Santa…" Neji said slowly. What a fool he had made himself.

After a quick photo that Neji trashed afterwards, Tenten stepped forward.

"What would you like for Christmas?"

"Truthfully, a katana," Tenten said, deciding to play along since there were kids around.

"A katana, huh?" _Whatever happened to Little Miss Kunoichi dolls? _

"Yes please," Tenten said, nodding. "All of my older ones are nice, but having a newly sharpened blade is nice too."

"Okay…"

Next was Chouji. Pain. Shooting, seething pain.

"What…would…you like…Chouji?" Asuma grunted.

"A buffet Christmas morning!" Chouji declared. He quickly looked at his teammates. "Oh! And a healthy year for Shikamaru and Ino! And Asuma too!"

"How nice…" Asuma gasped. _Although I may need to get to the hospital if I don't wrap this up! _"You're on my good list, so expect it all!"

"Yay!" Chouji clapped his hands like a happy child and smiled for the picture.

"Asuma-sensei, you look really silly," Ino whispered as she sat on his leg. "But I'll play along."

"Joy."

"What I'd like is a kiss from Sasuke-kun this Christmas, if you don't mind," Ino said dreamily. "And new ice skates! And maybe a couple of new outfits, some new shampoo; my bottle's running low. And some barrettes! Maybe some—"

"All right, young lady, you've exceeded the limit," Asuma said quickly.

Kurenai flashed the picture and Ino was booted from Asuma's leg.

"_Well_!" Ino huffed.

"How troublesome," Shikamaru said, seating himself on Asuma. "Let's just get this over with."

"What would you like for Christmas?"

"I'll make it simple. I want a nice, peaceful Christmas. No carolers please. And a quiet dinner too."

Asuma nodded. Just like Shikamaru. "I'll do my best."

"I'm sure you will," Shikamaru said, though it was obvious he was uninterested.

Hinata was next in line after Shikamaru. She was probably the lightest one that had sat on Asuma's leg, and it was a bit of a relief.

"What would you like for Christmas, little girl?" Asuma said.

"W-Well…n-nothing r-really," she stuttered, turning pink. "I-I guess I want m-my f-friends and f-family to have a g-good Christmas, is all. And…" she turned pinker.

"And…?"

"N-N-Never mind!" Hinata said hastily, looking at Naruto who was poking Sasuke annoyingly.

Kurenai flashed the picture and Hinata rushed off.

"Odd…" Asuma said. He turned to Gai and Kakashi. "What do you suppose she wanted?"

Kakashi and Gai shrugged. "Toothpaste?"

Kurenai slapped her forehead. "Men…"

Kiba, like Neji, stood. His arms were defiantly crossed and he was observing "Santa".

"Why don't you take a seat?" Asuma asked Kiba, patting his leg invitingly.

"No way," Kiba said. "I know you aren't real. You're Asuma-sensei in disguise."

"Uh…I think you have me mistaken for someone else!" Asuma said uneasily.

"Do you expect me to believe that Santa came all the way from the North Pole to Konoha just to ask people what they want?" Kiba said angrily. "Yeah right! That's bull! And you know _why _I know you aren't real? Seven years ago I asked for a fire truck! I was a real good boy for the whole year, waiting and waiting for Christmas to come! And you know what 'Santa Claus' got me? Do ya? Huh?"

"Um…"

"A lousy pair of pants! Who wants _pants _for Christmas? Huh? Who? Do _you _want pants for Christmas, Santa? If that's your _real _name? You know what I think of you?"

"Kiba! That's enough!" Kurenai scolded.

"All I wanted was a red fire truck for Christmas!" Kiba sobbed, completely breaking down. "Is that too much to ask?"

Akamaru started to whine and howl.

"Uh…well I—"

"NO! Don't say ANYTHING!" Kiba cried, running away.

"Oh my…" Kurenai said worriedly.

"Um…next!"

Shino walked up to Asuma and sat on his leg.

"What would you like for Christmas…Shino?" Asuma said. He had no idea what to expect from _this _genin.

"I want a yo-yo."

"…"

"Why is that, Shino?" Asuma couldn't help but ask.

"I like yo-yos."

"Okay…"

"Say cheese!"

Flash.

"Please send me a yo-yo this year," Shino said as he hopped off of Asuma's knee. "It would be wise to."

Asuma looked scared.

The rest of the day was no problem for dear old St. Nick, for there were only younger kids yearning for presents like dolls and cars, though Konohamaru's list was pretty long. Soon it was closing time, and time for Asuma and the other jounin to retire from that mission.

"Kurenai, you're students are weird," Asuma said as he and Kurenai took down the decorations. Kakashi and Gai had gone to get them all each a well-earned cup of hot chocolate.

"Yes, well, _your _students aren't any better, hm?" Kurenai said. "But you did a very good job, Asuma. I was happy to see all those kids' smiles."

"Yeah…but anyway, we should finish up. Our students are waiting, after all," Asuma said, turning around and taking down a Christmas wreath.

Kurenai looked up to see if she had missed any lights when she saw something else. It was a little green and red plant hanging right above Asuma and herself. Smiling warmly, she touched his shoulder.

Asuma turned around to be greeted with—

"Hey Kurenai-sensei, you done with—"

"Sh!" Sakura hissed.

"What?" Kiba said.

"K-Kiba-kun…S-Sensei's…" Hinata stuttered.

Naruto whistled. "I never saw _this _side of Santa before!"

"Sensei?" Shino said, raising an eyebrow. He ALMOST sounded surprised.

"It's about time!" Ino laughed.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru sighed.

"What'll Mrs. Claus do?" Chouji moaned.

"Ah! The youthful blossoming of love is never too old!" Lee said joyously.

"I wonder what would happen if Gai-sensei ever got a girlfriend?" Tenten said aloud.

"I wonder _if _Gai-sensei will ever get a girlfriend," Neji said doubtfully.

"What's everyone looking at?" Gai asked as he and Kakashi popped up from behind everyone.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow and shut his book. "Interesting."

As soon as Kurenai broke away from the kiss, Asuma placed a hand on his head, smiling slightly. He stuck a cigarette into his mouth and sighed. "Merry Christmas, Kurenai."

"Merry Christmas, Asuma."

* * *

YAY ASUMA! Happy holidays in...some days! Please R&R! 

-TTF


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